Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (9 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). The picture above is actually composed of millions of small parts, but the parts fit together in clear ways, giving a simple (and beautiful) image, which we can all recognise at once. Think about that when you write. You don’t want lots of complicated words all mixed together to confuse everyone. You want a message which is clear and understandable. So, if you can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

• move on,
• say more,
• and achieve more of the task.

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

One of the main causes is that many people who live in this modern society have too much sense of insecurity about marriage. [24 words]

Two

Global warming is a fact, and there is much evidence which proves that it is happening right now on our planet. [22 words]

Three

Furthermore, there is another problem, and it is called global warming. Scientists have realised that global warming has become a serious concern all around the world. They need to spend more time to research this. [36 words]

Four

Many people have died from diseases which do not have any treatment which has been invented to cure these dangerous diseases. [22 words]

Five

Another reason is nuclear power creates less greenhouse gas emission compared to fossil fuel. It does not emit carbon dioxide when operating. By contrast, coal-fired power plants emit greater amounts of greenhouse gas, which leads to global warming. [39 words]

Six

In 2005, the product with the highest proportion of export was coal. [12 words]

Answer to 8 of 30: Sentences

One

The death penalty tends to deter people who may have the potential to commit crime. [15 words]

… becomes …

The death penalty can deter people from crime. [8 words]

Two

The death penalty can make criminals consider about whether they are willing to commit another crime. [16 words]

… becomes …

The death penalty can make criminals reconsider. [7 words]

Or we can use the same sentence as Example 1.

Three

… their studies in the future. [5 words]

… becomes … their future studies. [3 words]

… sales around the world. [4 words]

… becomes … global sales. [2 words]

… difficult for both their minds and bodies. [7 words]

… becomes … physically and mentally difficult. [4 words]

… specific teaching strategies according to their gender. [7 words]

… becomes … gender-specific teaching strategies. [4 words]

… a risk which is difficult to predict. [7 words]

… becomes … an unpredictable risk. [3 words]

Four

Some people say that the shopping experience one receives when doing traditional shopping is unique. [15 words]

… becomes …

Some people say that the traditional shopping experience is unique. [10 words]

Five

It could be argued that online shopping helps the consumers to save time as well as the cost of travelling to physical stores. [23 words]

… becomes …

It could be argued that online shopping saves time and money. [11 words]

Six

However, the energy obtained from the nuclear method of production has …. [11 words]

… becomes …

However, nuclear energy has …. [4 words]

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .