Concision Rides Again (3 of 12)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). If you can make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

• move on,
• say more,
• and achieve more of the task.

All that helps get you that IELTS 7 (or higher).

Here’s some practice for you.

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

1.

The different cultural customs and spectacular landscapes can be experienced in the foreign countrues at lower prices, whereas it is unlikely for them to have a similar experience at home. [32 words]

2.

Once people smoke, the addictive material within the cigarettes makes them keep smoking for a long time, and sometimes they will never stop. [23 words]

3.

For many people who successfully quit smoking, the reason is that they cannot afford the cost of buying expensive cigarettes. [20 words]

4.

Nicotine can raise blood pressure and make people feel much more anxious about life. [14 words]

5.

Many people face pressure due to the busy work and often complex personal affairs. [14 words]

6.

Instead of exercising, smokers would rather smoke to ease their anxiety and bad feeling. It may not be wrong, since this way is more efficient and effective in some circumstances. [31 words]

Answers to Concision Rides Again (2 of 12)

1.

Generally speaking, the exportation of coal was the biggest part of Australia’s exports, and iron was the second biggest one, both in the year 2005 and the next year, 2010. These two items when combined together were more than one half of all the exports. [45 words]

… becomes …

Generally speaking, in both years, coal and iron were the biggest and second biggest exports, respectively, together amounting to over half of the total. [24 words]

The country, ‘Australia’ was already mentioned in the introduction, and so does not need to be repeated in this Writing-Task-One overview statement.

2.

They could threaten people who are going to attack them. [10 words]

… becomes …

They could threaten attackers. [4 words]

3.

Gun owners would say that people have a right to possess guns for protection of their lives and property. They believe people have responsibilities and abilities to fight back against criminals. [32 words]

… becomes …

Gun owners would say that guns allows them to fight back against criminals. [13 words]

4.

Iron and coal are the most popular products which were traded overseas. On the other hand, the exportation percentage of wheat and meat are much less significant. [27 words]

… becomes …

The exportation of iron and coal is much more than wheat and meat. [13 words]

5.

… countries which have different their culture and geographic features. [9 words]

… becomes …

…. foreign countries. [2 words]

6.

… which are easily available and accessible to the holiday makers as opposed to the previous tourists who could only find the information from travel agencies and purchase package tours. [29 words]

… becomes …

… which are now more easily available and accessible than before. [10 words]

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